4/365

Take a look at this picture because this WAS me today...

Tonight I want to talk about "insecurity" because unfortunately it is a part of myself that I severely dislike.

This morning we went to our weekly play-date at Kids City where there were seven other moms with their children. I found myself halfheartedly participating in the conversations around me and completely NOT participating in others and as I sit here right now I am so disgusted with myself. You see as I was sitting there not noticing the beauty of the moms around me and our diversity but comparing myself to them. "unrealistically"

I KNEW what I was doing and yet I didn't stop.... I wasn't thin enough, I was pretty enough, my clothes weren't right, I didn't have the correct things to say that would be witty and light, I was the "blob" as I typically call myself. As I sit here writing this I ask myself why in the world will I say these things to ME but never ever would I speak them out loud to another?

I wouldn't say those things to loved one, or even an aquiantance. I don't THINK these things about the people around me but yet I allow myself to say and think these awful things about me.... all this rambling to ask a question. Why am I so hard on myself - how can I be so cruel? I do NOT want my daughter to grow this way or see me struggle like this.

I could blame it on childhood; when I was younger it seemed like I was always compared to my sister... I couldn't fit in the type of clothes she could, I wasn't athletic, I wasn't the smartest, I wasn't.... I could also blame it on the media where well you know what that is and what it looks like, just open a Vogue magazine... but let's put blame where it belongs. Hello my name is Aimee Neu and I am insecure.

Dear Lord, Please lighten my burden. Please remind me daily that you created me in YOUR image. Please take away this insecurity that I feel daily. Please forgive me for not taking joy in your creation of myself. Please be with me, hold me, love me, carry me though so that TOMORROW I am less and yet more.

Amen