Sunday, March 27, 2011

80-86/365

I got a phone call this morning telling me that my biological father has passed away.  How do I feel?  I guess that would be the million dollar question...  I'm numb.  I am hurting and for some reason I'm scared. 

In life there are should have and could haves.  I should have made peace with my childhood and the part he played, I could have told him I forgave him but I did neither of those things. For some reason I always thought there would be more time.  Times up and school is out and I didn't resolve anything. 

I could console myself that I am not that scared little girl anymore and that my life is my own, I should remind myself that I am a wife and a mother with a great life that is free of abuse, fear, and all those other "things" that my childhood held. 

Am I going to the funeral?  Yes, I'm going.  Am I scared?  Yes, I'm scared.  I don't want my not going to be a regret I have later in life because no matter what he did or failed to do as a father (I have never considered him a father; my father was Papa Ben a GREAT man who did GREAT things who loved me for me) he was a person that deserved the basic human level of respect that I as a Christian should have the ability to give. 

I have cried, I have yelled in my head and now I have resolved myself that on Tuesday at ten a.m. I will be at John Larry Netherland's funeral.  I will hold my head high and when I become that scared little girl in my heart I will remind myself that he can't hurt me anymore... that's something at least.

Please pray for me and my family during this time.
Thank you,
Aimee

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. I am both sad for you, and I am hopeful that this will give you the closure that you need to put that "past" behind you.

Because I know you, I know that you will be a better person, either because of or in spite of this.

You are a beautiful person, and you have a beautiful family. Just remember; all of life's diamonds are made by pressure... and time. We can not have one, without the others.

Theanne and Baron said...

Consider it done! Prayers go with you!