Sunday, March 27, 2011


I got a phone call this morning telling me that my biological father has passed away.  How do I feel?  I guess that would be the million dollar question...  I'm numb.  I am hurting and for some reason I'm scared. 

In life there are should have and could haves.  I should have made peace with my childhood and the part he played, I could have told him I forgave him but I did neither of those things. For some reason I always thought there would be more time.  Times up and school is out and I didn't resolve anything. 

I could console myself that I am not that scared little girl anymore and that my life is my own, I should remind myself that I am a wife and a mother with a great life that is free of abuse, fear, and all those other "things" that my childhood held. 

Am I going to the funeral?  Yes, I'm going.  Am I scared?  Yes, I'm scared.  I don't want my not going to be a regret I have later in life because no matter what he did or failed to do as a father (I have never considered him a father; my father was Papa Ben a GREAT man who did GREAT things who loved me for me) he was a person that deserved the basic human level of respect that I as a Christian should have the ability to give. 

I have cried, I have yelled in my head and now I have resolved myself that on Tuesday at ten a.m. I will be at John Larry Netherland's funeral.  I will hold my head high and when I become that scared little girl in my heart I will remind myself that he can't hurt me anymore... that's something at least.

Please pray for me and my family during this time.
Thank you,


Anonymous said...

You know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. I am both sad for you, and I am hopeful that this will give you the closure that you need to put that "past" behind you.

Because I know you, I know that you will be a better person, either because of or in spite of this.

You are a beautiful person, and you have a beautiful family. Just remember; all of life's diamonds are made by pressure... and time. We can not have one, without the others.

Anonymous said...

Consider it done! Prayers go with you!