Wednesday, March 16, 2011


The sun is shining and it's warming up outside. I got up this morning to a smiling daughter, the girls were in a good mood, MOPS had an inspiring speaker in a phrase "there is nothing wrong", so why do I have a knot in my stomach.  I feel like the other shoe is going to drop and don't know why.  I'm thinking that if I write it out then maybe IT will go away.

For the past few weeks I have felt isolated from people.  I feel like I am in a room with a thousand people and yet in unequivocally alone. I'm going through the motions "faking it until I make it" trying relaxation techniques, yoga, visualizations, journaling but I feel like there is a dark ominous cloud hanging overhead. I know that people sometimes feel this way but I'm not "liking" it. 

I'm frustrated that the house isn't finished the contractor is "supposed" to return on Thursday (we will see), the arborist who is supposed to come take down the rotten tree in the back yard who was supposed to come Mon or Tuesday has not come.  I am frustrated with people saying that they are going to do things or be somewhere and not doing it.  I strive SO hard to do and be what I say I will do and be.  I try so hard to keep my word but it seems that others don't and it is making me angry.  I'm swallowing that anger and internalizing it and I know that this isn't a reason to get down in the dumps but it's not just this.  I don't know what it is really I just "feel" off.

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