44/365

Tonight I'm going to vent.  I'm going to say exactly what has been on my mind since the 28th of January and if it offends your sensibilities I apologize but I just need to "say it". 

I am dang tired of people who are fair weather friends who are there when it benefits them but when the going gets tough they get goin'.  You know what I'm talking about, you know someone like that, or have in the past.  Well I'm here to tell you I quit!  I am quiting the pleasing act, I'm quiting the what can I do for you mentality. 

I know who I am and I know what I want out of life and who I want in my life.  I want a friend who can be there, be supportive and sometimes just listen.  I need a friend who isn't going to judge and who is going to meet me where I am not try to pull me to where they need me to be.  I can't take another friend who needs MY support, who confides in me and doesn't recipricate.  Friends, I'm tired of it.  The IT described as me always organizing things for others, the it being me always picking up the phone to see how you/they are. The it being me doing my best and receiving less in return.

There is a saying that people or either in your life for a minute, season, or life-time.  I think that this is true and yeah I know I'm butchuring the saying but here's what I'm thinking tonight.  Those minute friendships that I have need to go because life is too short and I don't have the time or energy to waste any more.  Those season friendships are fine and I'll cherish the time I have while I have it but I'm not going to put my heart and soul and time into them as I would my family anymore.  There comes a time in life when enough is enough and I have had enough. 

Please don't read this thinking I'm mad because I'm not but I am fed up with the act of friendship. Frienships that I have right now are more like aquaintances who call me friend, I know tons of people but they don't know me. Some might assume they do but as I once told a co-worker who was trying to give me well meant advice "you know even know if I like Cherrios"!

My Papa once gave me a good definition of "quid pro quo" and to honest I think that friendships should be give and take.  I think friendships should be investments of both time and effort on both parts.  Enough said and tomorrow I'm cleaning out my mental closet of those I call on and let call on me so if you find me all of a sudden less accessible, less open, less giving please don't judge me because I really do think I am doing too much for others and not enough for myself.  I need REAL friendships....