Spending time with him after this past week is a joy, pleasure, and something I definitely needed. Lately I have felt so alone even in the company of others, almost to the point of feeling isolated. It's funny that David picked out this movie for us to watch as it is about just that thing. The movie points out that we all have or need to have a purpose in this life and makes you think about what your purpose truly is. I am probably a bit of an anomaly because I have almost always known what my purpose is or what I wanted it to be; I have always wanted to be a wife and mother. It is my greatest aspiration in life and I am so lucky at the age I am to have those two precious things both an accepting husband and kind hearted loving daughter. Having the things that my heart most desires in this world brings me such joy but there are times late at night when everyone is sleeping that I find myself doubting who and what I am.
Lately at night I have woken drenched in sweat with my heart pounding and full of fear. I am so very fearful of losing these precious gifts that I have or not being deserving of them or just plain not being enough. I have to stop during these times and remind myself that I am a creation of God, that I am doing and being all that I can be and being who I am called by Christ to be. My faith and my loved ones are what are helping me through this time. I don't know what I would do if one day I woke in the night and couldn't reach over to touch my husband or walk into my daughters room to see her sleeping and watch the rise and fall of her small chest. These are the things that keep me grounded that keep the fear at bay.
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