66/365

Today I made a decision to not lose weight or go on another diet.  I have decided to embark on a journey to learn to become comfortable in my own skin.  Do I need to lose weight? Yes, for medical reasons I do need to lose weight.  Do I need to exercise and eat correctly?  Yes, everyone does.  I'm making a lifestyle change.  I'm choosing to do my best to be my best at my best daily.  I know that seems simple but for me it's going to take a lot of hard work, dedication and perseverance. 

I think back to when I got married when I was under 150 lbs, I was in a good size 12 and was crying every night over how big and akward I was.  Now I know that I didn't have a weight problem so much as I had a self image problem.  Where does it stem from?  I could say a bad childhood, or the models that we see airbrushed in magazines, or the commercials we see on television but the fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter where it comes from.  It matters what I'm going to chose to do about my personal view of my self image. 

When I look in the mirror I'm not in the least bit pleased with what or who I see.  I'm not comfortable in my own skin.  I need to lose weight.  I need to exercise more.  I need to eat better foods and make better food choices.  But, before or rather as I make these changes in my day to day life I need to LEARN to love myself in my skin.  I need to learn to not cringe when I see myself naked in the mirror.  As of right now every time I see myself I want to cry so my solution to date is to wear big hippy clothes, avoid mirrors at all costs and to perpetually have a camera in hand so that I'm taking the pictures and not in them. 

The fact of the matter is I don't want my daughter to grow up with my hang-ups.  So I have to find a solution.  My solution?  I joined a gym - I'm going to Yoga class twice a week and Zumba class twice a week - I'm doing my best to make better food choices (for me this means keeping GOOD foods in the house to eat) - I'm following a diet plan that is realistic and includes two snacks a day - I'm asking my friends to cheer me on (I do better when encouraged) - I'm giving up sugary confections of sweets and fast food for Lent in the hopes that these days of denial will force me to realize that I don't need them to begin with - I'm doing the best I can to be the best I can. 

So in the parting words of our Yoga class tonight. 
Namaste, meaning,"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."

65/365

I wish that I could say that I was too busy to blog yesterday but the truth is I was just too lazy.  Yesterday morning we got up around eight a.m. David's sister Kari and her two children Dylan and Maryn from Tx. spent the night after Saturdays parade.  I was surprised how calm everyone was. Yeah the play room was a mess for a bit but they actually cleaned up the entire thing themselves; I was astounded to say the least.

We were supposed to have brunch at my house but because David's parents and their house guests (Aunt Susan - Uncle Rocky - cousins Ashely and Scott) were still asleep we went over there to have brunch and do birthday cake.  It's hard to believe another year has passed and Mike David's dad is a year older; time really does seem to be flying by.  After birthday cake and quick farewells we went back to the house for naps (Allie and I anyway) David was watching his ESPN and loving the quiet time. 

I have to admit that I adore Sunday afternoons with no obligations it seems like more times than not we have a birthday party - church function of "something" to do that seems to cut our weekend just an inch shorter.  So, yesterday was a pleasant surprise. I got to watch my Lifetime Movie Network,  Allie got to play in the re-arranged playroom with her Mardi Gras loot and in the betweens we got laundry and household chores more or less finished. 

I found myself leisurely pursing magazines, calling Mama to check on her weekend, looking online at patio furniture with David etc... it was just plain nice! I can honestly say that Monday didn't come too soon. It came when it was supposed to and I was refreshed and ready to greet it head on. 

After some thought I have come to the conclusion that Mondays aren't bad it's Sundays that we let escape us without relishing them for what they are supposed to be that gets us!

64/365

 Today was a fantastic day.  This morning Allie Beth's Easter Dress from her Granna came in.  It came from The Wooden Soldier, a very special children's dress store.  We are so blessed that she has a Granna who can love and spoil her from time to time.  She is going to be the best dressed little girl on Easter Sunday.  When she put it on we had to bribe her to get it off again.  She is very much a little diva in the making.  I haven't figured out if that is a good or bad thing yet!

Today we went to the Mardi Gras Parade in Shreveport.  A dear friend of ours "staked out a spot" so that we were right there near the beginning.  Most of David's family (Aunt-Uncle-Cousins-Sister-Niece-Nephew-Mom and Dad) were there with us.  My friend Sandi grilled hot dogs and we all brought a side - there was plenty of friends/food and fellowship even if it was a bit on the cold side.  The above picture is of Allie Beth chasing down one of the vendors (overpriced junk) so that she could "see" Dora - he was nice enough to let my niece Maryn and Allie Beth take a picture with her. 

 A picture of my nephew Dylan - he was snug as a bug in a rug under the tent wrapped up on my favorite 31 blanket!

 This is Maryn my niece - she really looks like her mom!

 Sandi's son Chase was a sport letting Allie Beth ride on his shoulders almost the entire parade even at one point letting her wear his jacket.  She racked up on beads and toys.  I know she had a fantastic time!  She was a real charmer screaming "Throw Me Something Mister".  I don't think anyone could have resisted; every float that came by had something special to hand to us for her and her cousins.  I loved how family friendly it was.

 Davids sister Kari with her children Dylan and Maryn - they had so much fun.  As we speak the are all out like a light.  We came home to have read beans and rice and watch The Princess and The Frog - I thought that would be an appropriate way to end the night.  Everyone else thought so too! 
I know that I stressed a lot before they all got here but I am thoroughly enjoying every minute of it!

63/365

Today I cleaned and rearranged the house in preparation of our weekend house guests.  Davids sister and children are coming in for the Mardi Gras Parade and to visit, this happens to be the same weekend that his Aunt/Uncle and cousins are coming in to stay at his parents house (two blocks away).  I was SO anxious over the house being under construction (it was supposed to be done today... lets just say it will be done hopefully some time next week) **and they just pointed out OTHER things that need repair or replacement today**

UGH, now you can see where my anxiety was coming from.  I always feel so inferior when it comes to Kari and her family because David and I "just aren't" - we live in a 1980's house - we drive older cars - we do the best we can and sometimes it's enough, then sometimes it isn't. David isn't a CEO of anything and I'm not teaching but we are getting by and in this economy I guess that counts for a lot. 

Someone once told me we lived in a time of collecting/owning/acquiring.  In the 1950's there was no concept of self storage and now it is a billion dollar industry - you either ARE or you acquire.  Which one are we or which one do we WANT to be.... I guess that is a good question to ponder tonight.  I personally would rather BE than to acquire but I have to tell myself that daily and be reminded from time to time.  So the fact that my house is not the best on the block, my car isn't the most modern, my clothes aren't the most fashionable is OK with me tonight as I write this because I know WHO I am and am OK with WHO I am.... are you?

62/365

too much on my mind tonight - my anxiety is through the roof - my mind is screaming - I NEED a break!

60-61/365

Life is going good.  I have no complaints other than I wish I had a money tree I could pluck money from every once in a while...

The home repairs are mounting daily BUT I keep consoling myself that once it's done it's done.  If I had it to do all over again I think I would NOT have bought a house right after David and I got married.  I think we had this picture of progression in our head sort of like the GREAT American dream -- get new car (check) graduate from college (check) start a career (check) get engaged and then married (check) buy a house (check) have a child (check) but things come up in between those progressions... There is such a thing and the unexpected happening and in mine and Davids case that has happened a lot.  I wish someone had not just told us but shown us that we needed to save more for that rainy day, that the current state of our economy could and would really affect us on a personal level, that yes our daughter could and would get sick and other than paying the doctors bills and praying there wasn't much more we could do.  Sometimes life and what occurs really is in the hands of others and we have to just deal.  So tonight as I do all I can to crunch numbers, pay bills and not cry over spilt milk I will console myself with the thought that what is, is and what was, was.  Lessons learned for better or worse and tomorrow will be a new day. 

59/365

I just love my daughter, Allie Beth is such a treasure.  I love how she says I love you three thousand times a day and gives me kisses and hugs every time I turn around.  Today was a good day for trying new things.  We finally got Allie Beth out of her "food rut" and got her to eat pineapple AND grilled chicken tonight a huge triumph in the Neu household. 

We also have finally found a contractor to come fix the "kink and dinks" in the house everything from a broken water valve to termite damage and rot due to water damage.  In one single day he accomplished more than any other person has done in the entire time we have lived in this house.  The entire back porch has been dismantled AND taken away we now have a beautiful open patio that I can't wait to start planting around and decorating.  There is still some work to do on the awning and roof but it's already a huge improvement. 

I know that I have said it before but it really is the small successes in life that makes me happy.  I love that my husband called the dinner I cooked (grilled chicken, pasta salad and baked apples) Earthy,  I love that our home improvement project is improving daily,  I love that I made a new friend today and will start working for her on Saturdays soon (I am excited about being out in the public doing something social for a change, even if it is only one day a week),  I am loving life and loving living it.

Tomorrow is another adventure... Zumba; we shall see, we shall see :)